These days, the world is choke full of bad guys who take advantage of others. I believe that those of us with extreme excess gas have a special ability that we shouldn't hesitate to use when protecting ourselves. Also, I've been quite bored and so I made the video below. Hope you enjoy!

Being that none of my neighbors are aware of this blog, the title of this post is quite misleading. But whatever.
Lately I've been so focused on writing that I've become a terrible neighbor and friend. So that's pretty much what inspired today's vlog and if you happen to be a friend of mine or by chance a neighbor please take this as a sincere apology, I am aware of how weird and antisocial I've been acting lately, sorry : (

Here are 10 tips on how to fake intelligence:

(1) Memorize one Shakespearean line and quote it at least fifty times a day as if it applies to every situation in life. Even in situations where there is absolutely no application, people will hear you say it and in the stark silence that follows, they will think, "Wow, s/he must be really deep because I don't get it." 

(2) Quote Neil Gaiman whilst wearing skinny jeans and Tina Fey whilst wearing pajama bottoms. There is no explanation for this, it simply works.

(3) Throw out every shirt you own and replace it with an assortment of MENSA t-shirts and black turtlenecks. Wearing a t-shirt that says MENSA will tell the world that you have an exceptionally high IQ (even if you don't!) and wearing a black turtleneck will tell the world that when you are not moonlighting as a mime, you are contemplating life's overwhelming beauty and desiring to become a stylish turtle.

(4) Wear lipstick, but no earrings; also, it helps if the lipstick is on your teeth instead of on your lips. (When someone is exceptionally intelligent, they are too busy geniusing to notice that their lipstick has made the arduous journey from lips to teeth)

(5) If you are a part of a conversation that brings up either Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, or Beyonce, adjust your fake glasses and look around as if confused. Blink excessively. Then, say something about your love of all things Hans Zimmer.

(9) Pretend to understand all other languages that you come in contact with (including the barks of dogs, songs of crickets, meows of cats, and the Ra-pa-pow-pow-pow's of foxes).

(10)  When you invite friends over, pretend that you've just been watching The Simpsons while solving logic equations and eating cashews (cashews are the food of the intelligent).

There. I hope that helps!