You must be joking.
You're probably wondering what it is, exactly, that I think you're joking about.
Well, let me enumerate.
First of all, the "healthy" juice bars at which I've been buying smoothies everyday.
These smoothies are advertised as organic and nutritious and yet, I now weigh eight million pounds.
All I EVER ingest are smoothies...well, and the occasional (a.k.a. "every day occurrence of a") large order of fries- and then there are those packets of cheese I've been scarfing down in ten minutes flat despite my lactose intolerance. So, come to think of it, maybe I can't completely blame the smoothies.
But still, should I have gained a gillion pounds in two weeks just from eating a few extra fries and a couple (dozen) packets of sharp cheddar cheese??
I think not!!
I am aghast! And quite full of gas, I might add.
Secondly, why are the lizards in this godforsaken desert so huge? Shouldn't these lizards have been destroyed by some huge asteroid or flood or whatever with the rest of the dinosaurs? They don't even look like lizards, they look like tiny aliens. I love animals, but your freakish desert lizards are weird and they're stressing me out.
Once again, thank you California. Here's to you for rocking my world.
Thirdly, I know you're kidding me about the prejudice.
Because, as the biggest melting pot in the U.S. (other than New York City), surely it's improbable that the residents of metropolitan areas within southern California would struggle with deep-rooted feelings of prejudice. Right?
Well, apparently this is quite probable.
I can't tell you how many times a fellow Californian pedestrian has seen me and, despite the fact that I'm wearing a decent dress, heels, and tasteful make-up, grabbed their purse in terror before freezing as if their heart has momentarily stopped at the sight of me in all of my hideousness. And then, once they got past the color of my skin and realized that I was wearing a normal looking dress etc...they visibly sighed in relief and gave me a huge smile. Most even say, "Hi there," with over-the-top politeness and a head tilt. It's the same, "Hi there!" that's offered to someone's beloved dog who is clad a pink tutu and, somehow, managing to wear it proudly. At the sight of such a dog, one can't help but think, "Aww. It's so cute because it thinks it's people."
That's the way I was looked at while walking to the library in Beverly Hills.
At first, it was funny and I kind of laughed to myself about it. Then, it became depressing so I got in my car and left. But later, when I talked to a friend about it, it got funny again.
So, California, I know you've got to be kidding me. You can't possibly be MORE prejudice than my hometown in freaking LOUISIANA, right?? Cuz, I mean, that's one reason why I left Louisiana...
Well, I do adore you for some other reasons though. I like the landscape here. The mountains are beyond gorgeous. I also love, love, LOVE the amount of creative people within your borders. It's refreshing to be around people who have an interest in art and culture and who want to learn more and be open to new experiences. That's just beautiful.
I suppose that's all for now, California.
And just in case you're not into reading letters, there's a Youtube video below containing basically the same rant.