I want to be one of the good writers; I want the average YA reader to open my book, read the first sentence and react by bursting into tears of joy and declaring themselves "inspired beyond belief."
For some reason, not only has this reaction never occurred but I write things like, "titters of laughter pranced across the audience..." and even I know this sounds bad.
I'm not a good writer yet.
This is something that my head knows but my heart refuses to acknowledge because it doesn't like the word "yet" and it turns the sentence into "I'm not a good writer".
"Yet" signifies work, it means more editing, more crying over my laptop, more staying up all night re-writing only to delete everything I've written the very next morning.
And, so this is where I am right now with the South Louisiana High series, mid-fall, hands flailing, trying to grab on to something.
The people I write about have stories that deserve to be shared but because I'm not a good writer yet, I trip over words and I don't do their stories justice, I don't give them the voice they deserve.
The editing process would be easier if I focused on the end result as opposed to letting my fear of failure become a roadblock to progress.
Fear of failure has always been a challenge, even as a little kid; if I didn't get something right on the first try then I'd get frustrated, scared of my own ineptness and move on to something new. But I can't keep doing that, well...sure I can but would that really be a good idea? Nah, don't think so.
So, endurance is the key word.
Keep dreaming, keep writing, keep editing- keep doing it until it's done.
But how do you push yourself past that "Oh my God I can't do this! I should completely give up and eat this entire pan of brownies, cry myself to sleep, and then wake up only so I can bake more brownies!" moment? Or do you even have moments like that?
Okay...well, thanks for reading my venting & your suggestions on how to deal with this are welcomed : )