There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them.
- George Orwell
(1) Memorize one Shakespearean line and quote it at least fifty times a day as if it applies to every situation in life. Even in situations where there is absolutely no application, people will hear you say it and in the stark silence that follows, they will think, "Wow, s/he must be really deep because I don't get it."
(2) Quote Neil Gaiman whilst wearing skinny jeans and Tina Fey whilst wearing pajama bottoms. There is no explanation for this, it simply works.
(3) Throw out every shirt you own and replace it with an assortment of MENSA t-shirts and black turtlenecks. Wearing a t-shirt that says MENSA will tell the world that you have an exceptionally high IQ (even if you don't!) and wearing a black turtleneck will tell the world that when you are not moonlighting as a mime, you are contemplating life's overwhelming beauty and desiring to become a stylish turtle.
(4) Wear lipstick, but no earrings; also, it helps if the lipstick is on your teeth instead of on your lips. (When someone is exceptionally intelligent, they are too busy geniusing to notice that their lipstick has made the arduous journey from lips to teeth)
(5) If you are a part of a conversation that brings up either Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, or Beyonce, adjust your fake glasses and look around as if confused. Blink excessively. Then, say something about your love of all things Hans Zimmer.
(6) Wear a jacket. Smart people are always cold.
(7) Publish a book that contains only one word and a picture of the universe.
(8) Instead of saying, “I think” before stating an opinion, declare whatever you’re saying as if it’s already a known fact.
For example: Bob pointed to the microwave and declared, "Potatoes become sentient once exposed to microwave radiation, that's why they make screeching noises when they're baking."
If Bob had added "I think" as a prefix, his statement would have become an amusing Zach Galifianakis-like joke at which everyone would have laughed instead of an authoritative declaration at which everyone gasps.
(10) When you invite friends over, pretend that you've just been watching The Simpsons while solving logic equations and eating cashews (cashews are the food of the intelligent).
There. I hope that helps!