In theory, men are great...
Working with men...
Unnecessary/hella awkward comments about my appearance...
On Mr. A's first or second day, he looked at me and said, "You're beautiful, you know?"
This was stated just out of the blue, for, like, basically no reason.
Two things: A- I am by no stretch of imagination an above-average looking person. To put it bluntly, I am an unattractive black woman with crooked teeth and bad skin. My point is that I'm not one of those ridiculously good-looking people who random strangers stop to gawk at as they find themselves stammering, "OMG, y-y-you're so freaking beautiful!" If I looked that way I could understand and forgive such weird comments. And B, when people tell an ugly person that they're beautiful, said ugo always, always, always knows that it is a pity-inspired lie. We're not dumb. (Typically, being ugly comes with a special gift: society's nonacceptance of us due to our appearance makes us more perceptive than the average person, meaning we get a bit of added insight into the workings of the human psyche. So, we're good at spotting liars.) And the result of these kinds of white lies is that we feel even worse than we did before the well-meaning friend (or in my case, the stranger/co-worker who I just met like two flipping seconds ago) lied about the state of our face.
So, after Mr. A says this for like no reason whatsoever, the above-mentioned facts are running through my mind. First of all, I'm offended, because the pitying look on his face is telling me that I'm mad ugly. And secondly, I'm wondering why the heck we're talking about my appearance when I'm supposed to be training him on how to move a camera? Like. seriously- what does my appearance have to do with me showing him how to move the camera?!
So, I basically just stand there staring at him while trying to construct a graceful reply to his inappropriate comment. He uses this opportunity to then say, in an incredibly condescending way, "No, really, you are."
I hadn't verbally disagreed with the man. He was simply assuming that I disagreed- which made Fact B even more obvious! So, by now I am internally furious (not to mention embarrassed because Mr. B was standing right there listening to the whole one-sided conversation about my appearance) and I'm trying not to show it. So, I did the only thing I could think to do, which was quickly and incredibly awkwardly change the subject.
Well, apparently Mr. A didn't get the hint. Or he simply didn't care how uncomfortable the unnecessary remarks about my appearance made me because the next day, he said the same thing AGAIN.
I've never seen him tell Mr. B, "Hey man, you're really handsome. You know?" Never. Not once. So, what made him think it was okay to randomly comment on his female co-worker's appearance? I'll tell you why: BECAUSE MEN THINK WOMEN LIVE FOR THEIR APPROVAL.
Seeing that I was in possession of a vagina, Mr. A assumed that I was desperate for the approval of a man. And being that he's a nice guy, he just randomly and completely out of the blue, said the one thing that he just knew would let me know I was okay in the eyes of a man. He told me that I was beautiful.
The thing is, I don't want his approval. And I honestly don't care to know what he thinks of my appearance. But because I'm a woman and he's a man, he assumes that it's his right to openly comment on my looks.
Frequent comments based on the assumption that all women want to be married, have babies, and spend all day shopping ...
Okay. Like most people in the world, I'm poor. This means that I don't own any diamonds. And that's fine with me because I don't ...really...care...about...diamonds... Like, seriously- who the heck has time to fantasize about diamonds?! I spend most of my days trying to figure out how to scrounge up enough money to self-publish my books, how to pay for gas for my pathetic excuse of a car, and fretting about whether I'm ever going to be able to finance that YouTube series I've been dreaming of producing/directing for the past billion years. My point is that anyone who takes a second to try and get to know me would realize that diamonds and shopping for, like, shoes are not things that I stress about. Yet, this guy who barely knows me, sees that I am in possession of a vagina and assumes that those are the kinds of things I worry about and he consistently brings this up to me.
Why did this happen? BECAUSE MEN ASSUME THAT STEREOTYPES ABOUT WOMEN ARE TRUE.
The worst moment was when Mr. A turned to me, once again out of the blue and completely randomly, and said, "So, why aren't you married?"
I wanted to scream. But I didn't. I don't remember what I said, but it was something along the lines of, "Why would I want to get married?"
I've never heard him ask the single guys at work why they're not married. But me, the 30-something year old black woman- surely she wants to be married, right? Because that's what all women want- to be married and taken care of so they can enjoy their diamond jewelry and go shopping.
Like, really- what is wrong with men? Are they stupid? Do they not realize that stereotypes are stereotypes as opposed to reality? I don't assume that all guys like football. I ask before assuming... So, why don't men have the decency to do the same thing to their female counterparts?
Being blatantly ignored ...
So, why is this happening? I could be wrong, but I think MEN HAVE A HERD MENTALITY AND THEIR "HERD" MENTALITY DOESN'T INCLUDE THE WOMEN WHO THEY DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH. So, I'd be surprised if they were purposely ignoring me, I think they just don't think to include me because they're not interested in me in that way. If I were a guy, of course I'd be invited. But I don't have a penis. I'm just a vagina-carrying freak.
Balking under my authority
When Mr. A and B train Blue, he's all, "Okay, got it." When I, on the other hand, show Blue a new camera shot he frequently interrupts me when I'm speaking to say things like, "Just tell me how to do it," or "Yeah, I already got that." Even when it's obvious that he doesn't "got it."
Why does this happen? It's fairly obvious that MEN THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN WOMEN.
I could go on...
I love working in film and television. It's what I've always wanted to do. But I hate, hate, hate working with men. In fact, its made me reassess my perception of the male species.
The above remark was prejudice and awful, but sadly it's the truth. I don't want it to be the truth but at this point I don't know what else to think. Like Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." What else can I do but believe what I'm being shown...